what would you think

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anonymous
what would you think

hi

i really liked your advice before.... i need some mnore im afraid.

i was reading someone's post on porn (blondebunny??) and I have the same problem, i think its cheating.

my fella says he agrees, which is just what her partner says. im startin to think maybe its possible.

i asked him today why he doesnt like porn and he said he didnt know. fair enough. i asked him if the reason he didnt like it was because it was cheating and he said he didnt know.

i then asked if porn wasnt cheating, would he like it? and he said 'i dont know'

i flipped, because surely if you dont like something, it doesnt matter if it is cheating or not, you still wont like it?

he makes it sound like the only reason he doesnt like it is because its cheating. and that if it wasnt cheating, he would like it.

thus, he likes it really, hes just not doing it because of me.

what do you think?

Corris's picture
Corris
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Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
Posts: 8491

that you need to get some perspective?

Corris's picture
Corris
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Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
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I suspect your partner says he 'doesn't know' because what he means is 'I don't know the 'right' answer to this question to keep you pacified'.

OliversArmy's picture
OliversArmy
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 13:45
Posts: 12106

I think you need to breathe and consider the fact that you are massively over-thinking everything.

If he likes porn, does it mean he loves you less? Does it mean you're worth less? No, it means he's an average man who gets a bit of a boner at the sight of a naked woman. Some do, some don't, it really doesn't have to be an issue.

It sounds as though he doesn't tell you what he's really thinking or feeling for fear of you 'flipping'.

Why do you double and triple check why he thinks the way he thinks? Why not just take it at face value that he's not that into porn and let the poor man be. I'm sorry but it can't be good for either of you for you to be putting yourself through all this doubt. He's with you, he loves you, he's not cheated on you. Hold onto those thoughts because to be very frank, if you push and push and push a man when he's doing nothing wrong, it can only lead to a broken heart.

jelliebean

Why do you think porn is cheating?

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JacquiL
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
Posts: 25831

Liking porn isn't cheating, going out and sleeping with someone else is.
If you want your relationship to continue stop badgering, the more you push the more likely you are to push him away

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Christiesgal
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Joined: 29/07/2011 - 13:46
Posts: 11208

Lovely, if you really liked our advice last time then hopefully that means you took on board what we said. But I'm afraid it doesn't look like you did, as you have picked something else with which to taunt yourself, pick to pieces, over anaylse and twist to the point so that to your mind your husband is at fault and would thinkg about being unfaithful, even though he's done nothing wrong.

Do you feel the counselling you are getting is helping the jealousy issue you have at all?

ursh x

carliealex

I have to agree with what others have said hun. I don't like porn and actually wouldn't be happy with my OH looking at it BUT I don't think it's cheating. Like OA said some men get a boner at the sight of a naked woman. They're simple creatures don't over complicate them.

He said he doesn't look at porn, he doesn't like it, end of. I suspect whatever his view on it he wouldn't dare go behind your back as you flip just talking about it.

x

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Barefootgirl
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Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
Posts: 5961

So, let me get this straight. You don't like porn, you think its like cheating. Your partner also doesn't like porn, and AGREES WITH YOU that its like cheating. And yet you're still badgering him??? For goodness sake, perhaps he's just not a very deep thinker.

Perhaps the two of you could find a new hobby instead of worrying about porn all the time.

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Kismet
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 16:52
Posts: 5961

I read this earlier albeit in a hurry and thought pretty much what BFG has just said but didn't comment as I didn't have time then to re-read.

Seems to me you agree on this so why on earth it is causing you a problem is beyond me!

OliversArmy's picture
OliversArmy
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 13:45
Posts: 12106

I have a funny story about porn (well, not porn, but you'll see). Last night we watched a film and there was a 'romantic' scene. So, a few minutes after I went to bed, I realised the film had got me a bit, um, aroused, and made a move on the OH. He rolled over, grunted that he was refusing on the grounds that it wasn't him I'd got aroused at, it was the leading man. Apparently when we'd ben watching the scene, I'd sighed in 'exactly the same way' as I do when the OH is putting his best moves on me. And he was mardy arsed about it! Apparently men can be insecure too!

So, moral of the story is that sex scenes aren't just for men, they're for everyone. Especially when they contain saucy fellas with dirty accents.

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