At what point do you step back and let them fall?

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Christiesgal's picture
Christiesgal
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That's it, I've reached the end of my rope now.

This morning I had to virtually drag her out of bed at 7.40am, then at 8.25 she asked if she could have a lift and I said yes I was going that way anyway, but if I'd said no she'd have been late.   When I remarked on this she said she was ready, then she couldn't find her bag or her diary, I said it's  hardly surprising given the state of your bedroom and then I got accused of nagging.

I'm afraid I lost the plot and started ranting at her.  She walked out the house and slammed the door and I went running down the street after her shouting "You've forgot your lunch and you'll be late if you walk!".    Then I thought what am doing?   Parenting shouldn't be this hard at her age surely?

So on the way to school I told  her all funding is cut off until she gets her act together and I won't be 'nagging' anymore.

ursh x *thoroughly peed off*

Corris's picture
Corris
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*virrtual hug*

Would it make you smile if I told you SS got into the car to go to school the other day with no shoes on, just in his socks.  He's 15. 

Never in my parenting career have I had to say 'have you got shoes on?'.

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Kismet
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Christiesgal wrote:
That's it, I've reached the end of my rope now.

This morning I had to virtually drag her out of bed at 7.40am, then at 8.25 she asked if she could have a lift and I said yes I was going that way anyway, but if I'd said no she'd have been late.   When I remarked on this she said she was ready, then she couldn't find her bag or her diary, I said it's  hardly surprising given the state of your bedroom and then I got accused of nagging.

I'm afraid I lost the plot and started ranting at her.  She walked out the house and slammed the door and I went running down the street after her shouting "You've forgot your lunch and you'll be late if you walk!".    Then I thought what am doing?   Parenting shouldn't be this hard at her age surely?

So on the way to school I told  her all funding is cut off until she gets her act together and I won't be 'nagging' anymore.

ursh x *thoroughly peed off*

(((((hugs)))))  Thing is Ursh it's her who loses out if she's late not you!  Yes I know you want her to be on time, do well etc etc etc but it really is her loss if she doesn't pull her weight, be punctual etc and IME she will only learn the hard way!  I stopped nagging to get up and out on time when she started high school, told her if she was late she'd have the school to answer to if she was late etc and I would back them not her to the hilt.  You;ve gotta be cruel to be kind believe me.

Kx 

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Christiesgal
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Corris it not only made me smile, it made me laugh!   Thank you :)

Cheers Kis, it's 8am as type this and she's standing in her dressing gown and faffing with her hair, I'm resisting the temptation to remind her she has only half and hour before she needs to set off!

I text her yesterday afternoon telling her that the only reason I 'nag' is because I love her and want her to do well.   We've left it there.

ursh x

Corris's picture
Corris
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Can you walk the dog later?

If you find it excruciating to watch her being late - which I completely sympathise with by the way - can you absent yourself?

Go to the gym for an early morning session, or walk the dog or go have breakfast leisurely in a cafe somewhere.

For a week, give yourself a week of not being available and go sit on your hands somewhere else.

Could you do that?

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Brandie
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My ES is about to hit 13 and he is vague in the mornings. The other day I was glad his friend came to knock for him because he was being so "away with the fairies".
He has to get himself up now though he has his own alarm clock.

Christiesgal's picture
Christiesgal
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Not really Corris, I do gym classes at 9.30 so need to have done the dog before then and if I'm not gymming I set off to work at 8.15.  I didn't actually watch her be late this morning as I'd left then for work, I've not asked if she was on time or not!!

Don't worry I won't chip in no matter how much I'm tempted.  Going to sort this once and for all.

lol@ away with the fairies Brandie.

ursh x

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Christiesgal
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A progress report.  

I did actually walk the dog a bit later Corris I timed it to arrive back for about 5 minutes before she needed to set off so I couldn't sit stressing if she was still in her dressing gown at 8am lol.   She was actually early to the bus stop and phoned me with 5 minutes before the bus was due to say she was worried she'd missed it!

ursh x

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ElectronBlue
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Well, that's progress, at least! Heading in the right direction, and far less stressful for you it sounds Smile

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Kismet
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Excellent progress me thinks, well done Ursh and DD of course Wink

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