Disclosing finances to partner


New child benefit rules mean that some high earners and their partners will be expected to disclose their finances to each other from next January.

People will also be able to find out from HM Revenue and Customs if their partners receive child benefit, or earn above £50,000 a year.

The changes are part of the forthcoming taxation of child benefit in households where someone earns above £50,000.


Now this seems odd to me... because surely if you are in a relationship with someone to the point of cohabiting and having children together, then why would you keep your earnings a secret?

Or am I missing the point?

Does your partner know how much you earn?


But no, not really.

I am guessing the more money people have the less they would share with their spouses.  I remember one wonderful story once abuot a woman who has won the lottery, and not shared that information with her husband and children, but 'treats' them a bit from it...  Awesome.

Lol that's brilliant, Corris!

DH and I are open about money; he knows what I earn and I know what he earns. I assumed most couples were the same, but maybe not? My Mum always told me to have an 'eff-off" account hidden from partners with enough money to escape should the need arise. I have one with a few grand in, but DH knows about it, and tbh it gets used mostly for stuff for the kids; Olly's bike came out of it which sort of defeats the point. 

When I was with my second husband he never told me the exact amount here earned, he was always very cagey with his money.   We had our own accounts [ his idea as I then couldn't know how much he earned ], though we did have a joint one for bills
With my first husband I knew almost down to the last penny how much he earned, and we shared everything.
It was incredibly frustrating with my second husband with his attitude to money.  Hence why he is he is now my  ex:))

I am a great believer in an exit plan myself.

I know what OH earns....... he may not know what I have :) 

It's always better if you have a little something in reserve.

DW and I are honest about our finances even if we may forget the details of each others (for example, DW knows my take home pay but recently forgot how much my gross is – which is understandable as it’s not a figure that normally has any practical meaning, until something like this comes out).

I’m not sure what I think about exit plans. Isn’t it a little, holding back something of yourself? And if you’ve mentally made the plan, does that make you closer and more willing to enact it? And if you tell your partner isn’t that bullying or blackmail?

I don't have an actual account for an exit plan but I've always made sure I had enough cash should I need it.

I know how much OH earns roughly he's very honest about it, he hasn't a clue about my accounts, he sort of knows roughly what I have coming in but my savings are different.

you don't tell them though Daeds - that's the point.

and as for 'holding back something of yourself' - you're the father of girls, I think for women it has very real applications.

In generalisations if a relationship breaks down, as a woman you end up with responsibility for the children, the impact that has on earning capability, and the dependency on your ex for day to day living expenses and support.

As a woman you can lose you and your children's home - you are unable to leave and he may refuse to - you are more likely to end up in an abusive marriage.

You also, going back a generation (and indeed now) have women who do not work and have an income, they are dependent on their partner because they are raising the children - they therefore are less likely to have a career, and less likely to have equitable earning opportunities should the marriage founder.

To have an emergency fund, to ensure that you are not dependent entirely upon the man, to be able to choose to leave, to be able to support yourself and your children should their father up sticks and leave, or have sex with his secretary, or should he decide he 'wants some time to himself' - well, an emergency fund is a good idea.

I can't see how being married means you have to allow yourself to be totally dependent financially - in fact, I don't think it's healthy.

I know, I’m just naive and optimistic.

I have a similar objection to pre-nuptial agreements. If you are planning for divorce before, how committed are you to the relationship?

Surely marriage should be for better or for worse, for rich or poorer, to death do you part? Not until you have had enough and decide to do a runner?

And yes, I’m sure part of my feeling is because I know my wife could take our children and do a runner and I’d never see the three of them again.

But, I’d like to think I’m a reasonable husband out of love and respect for my wife – not through fear of her leaving.

From a personal POV having had one failed relationship with the father of my child, I don't think a get-out-clause is ever a bad thing. There are no guarantees in life, or in marriage. Who's to say a husband won't walk away after seeing a pretty face; it happens thousands of times a day. If you need proof, look at the UK's divorce rate; ours is the highest in the EU.

I also believe that having a get-out plan makes our marriage stronger; instead of a meek and mild wife who relies entirely on her husband, who couldn't leave even if she wanted to, an eff-off account shows that you're with your husband only because you want to be, not because you can't afford to get out. Having a choice brings it's own level of security. Being financially dependent on one other person isn't for me at all. Emotionally and physically, DH is my everything. Financially, I can support myself and the boys come hell or high water. 

DH and I have, until just last week, earnt about the same .... nothing!  I have recently started a temp position and we have discussed my hourly rate, weekly wage and how much I may get if I get taken on permanently.  I don't hide any of that from him.

I know his bank login details (i know, very naughty) but I deal with "admin" at home too and he willing lets me do as I please.  He doesn't know my bank login details :)

My mum, gran and even DH's mum have told me to make sure that I have a "secret fund" just incase.  The last lot I used taking Beth to see McFly last week and bought us dinner, a few treats and some merchandise with money left over.

DH's mum doesn't tell her husband what she earns.  He pays for everything other than the Sky TV subscription from his wages and hers are to do as she pleases.