I think I'm starting to hate my kids!!!

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fruitsalad
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Joined: 15/09/2008
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I think I'm starting to hate my kids!!!

OK, maybe a slight exaggeration with my post title.....maybe!!   They are driving me and my husband absolutely bloody nuts.  They fight and argue CONSTANTLY!  There is no peace, no laughter, no enjoyment in living in this house.  They are two boys, aged 7 and 11.  We live in a 2 bedroomed flat so they HAVE to share a room, which means that there is nowhere for them to go to get time-out from each other.  They can't even sit at the table together for meals without it turning into a friggen argument.....and its every single day!  Seriously at end of my thether.  Both were sent to bed tonight at 6pm.  Husband ended up screaming at them that he hated them (although quickly backtracked and said it was the behaviour he hated).  

7 yr old is just a complete wind-up, would cause a fight in an empty house.  I have tried getting him interested in playing games with me, taking dog out for walks with me, arts and craft activities.... but he gets bored after a few minutes and then the cheekiness and naughtyness starts.

My 11 year old walks about with his face tripping him most of the time, whinges about everything, nothing I say is right, continually argues with me (and the rest of the house), not interested in anything unless its the computer, x-box or something that will benefit him.

Like I said, they were sent  to bed at 6pm ....they are STILL arguing.  I honestly feel like I am either going to go mad,  or I am going to walk out this house and not come back.  I am that angry and stressed my chest is hurting.   I am sitting her on computer with a coffee and totally ignoring them.  I am hopng that once I press SEND and post this I will feel better....getting it all off my chest so to speak.   

komodia
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Joined: 26/11/2009
Posts: 9411

If you find an answer ot his one then please share with me!

My two girls are a similar age and are the same - though fortunately, they do have separate rooms.

The only thing that I woulld say is that when you are stressed and p*ssed off wwith listening to them argue then your tone and attitude will probably be quite confrontational and argumentative too. I have tried speaking to the girls and explaining, very calmly, how much their fighting and bickering upsets me. It does work sporadically. Also if they are arguing I have asked them to each explain what the argument is about and tried to get them to reach a resolution; I think if they have reached a compromise between them, rather than me stepping in, they are more likely to see it through.

I've also linked pocket money to attitude and behaviour towards each other; if they are civil to each other and speak rather than shout, then they will get pocket money. And I say it that way round too - not that they will lose cash because of arguing - I want them to think that their good behaviour is being rewarded, rather than they are being punished..... cos ultimately if I have to withold pocket money then it would undoubtedly be the other sibling's fault.

This has by no means solved it, but it is an improvement. Perhaps in your situation finding a way for them to have some alone time or space from each other might also help.

Best of luck though!! I do feel your pain!

fruitsalad
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Joined: 15/09/2008
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Thanks for reply.  My boys pocketmoney is also linked to their behaviour, as well as doing chores.  As a result, they haven't had their full quota for a number of weeks :-(

As for the dealing with the actual arguments.....most of the time there isn't even a reason, they just bicker and argue over nothing.  It's as if they CAN'T be nice to one another.  Yet their friends parents always comment to me about how nice and polite they are...just wish they could be like that at home!!

There is now silence from their room....they are asleep thank goodness!!   

My husband told me this evening how he hates coming home from work due to their behaviour and that really upsets me :-((((

On a positive note...well positiv'ish,  I'm relieved I'm not the only one with kids who behave like this.  

You would think after 11 years of being a mum/parent I would have it all sussed, yet I still feel like I am treading water most of the time!!

komodia
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Treading water is par for the course! The minute we've got it figured out, they grow a bit and change and it doesn't work any more! And then the younger sibling will do it all differently anyway.

I bet that every parent has felt like this at one point or another. And at least they are polite and well behaved when they are outside the home - I've always said that I'd rather them keep the arguments or poor behaviour for at home (if they have to have them at all) rather than being monkeys when they are with friends.

Do you get time for you and your DH? Make sure that you get away to have a bit of quality time together every now and again, sounds like you both need that "down time" away from all the squabbling.

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JacquiL
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I've had the ''I hate coming home to this'', well how does he think you feel?
You definitley need to try and get some time away from home for you and your husband. As to the bickering that's the nature of siblings I'm afraid and finding a solution everyone can live with isn't easy, but any rewards, whether time, monetary etc should always be for a positive rather than a negative. So as Kom says you don't say if you do A, B or C I'll take away x, y or z., give them things to work towards. Also sit down with them and explain just what their behaviour is doing to you all as a family, get them to look at how their behaviour affects you all.

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JacquiL
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ps. I have walked out before now, that was safer than losing it with my children, I've also cried in front of them 

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sandrap
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my 2 are 21 and 15 and I get the compliments when they are out about how wellbehaved and polite they are when they are shits at home with each other

nowadays they tend to avoid each other and when the 21 yr old stays out at one of her friends it can be peaceful. It is the youngest here that causes a lot of the rows though he can be moody with all of us

wilfver

I thought you were descibing my house then! a 13 and a 11 year old (both boys)! I have put them in seperate rooms, but they still bicker and fight. When you know the answer to harmony, please let me know

Hopeful
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Hope you are managing to get 5 minutes peace.

It definitely sounds like my house, especially this weekend.  I would have loved to have walked away this weekend but I feared that I wouldnt come back.  Ive a 13 yr old whos face trips him and is only happy when he isnt at home, a 4 and 3 year old that only seem happy when they're fighting with each other and an OH that sounds like yours.  Yet he doesnt seem to realise that as Im stuck with them day in and day out that it takes its tole on me, at least he gets a break from them.

Then the guilt sets in for feeling like that, the wondering if they're like that is down to my bad parenting.... the cycle goes on, still only another 15 years until I get a break....

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Fredd
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Yep, mine are the same as well - boys of 6 and nearly 9, and they argue as naturally as breathing.

And yes, I've left the room before tro avoid strangling the pair of them!  And they have both seen me cry as a result fo thier behaviour.

TBH, I am working on changing my own attitude, on the basis that I don't think I've any chance of changing them!  I tell myself that the arguing and bickering is natural, that both are old enough to deal with it, and it isn't doing any harm unless I let it get to me.....

Does this work - not really, but I am gradually accepting that there is no need to intervene.  My last resort is to send them to separate rooms though, so I really feel for you, not having that space.  Another thing I've done is to sit them down with worksheets, because they are obviously only arguing because they are bored.....

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Christiesgal
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At least now you know you are not alone and I well remember that feeling of wanting to walk out and never come back.    You'll get through it, though it's no fun being a referee instead of a mum!

ursh x

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