How to handle a disappointing parents' evening

While it’s lovely to soak up compliments about your child’s progress and behaviour, you should actively expect to be told about the areas that they need to work on too. ‘Parents’ evenings are a pointless exercise if your child’s teacher doesn’t discuss the full picture,’ says teacher and tutor Kate Morris. Matters such as low-level disruptive behaviour or slight concerns over progress are often raised for the first time at parents’ evening, so don’t take comments such as, ‘He needs to work on his concentration,’ as a criticism; rather, that the teacher has identified an area for improvement.

However, it’s reasonable to expect that you won’t be told of a serious issue out of the blue at a parent-teacher meeting. ‘These issues should not be left until parents’ evening, but raised after school, or even in a pre-arranged meeting, at the time they arise,’ says Sharon, teacher and founder of Panda Education. 

‘The relationship between parents, teacher and child is a three-way process, so it’s important to discuss the issues raised at parents’ evening with your child,’ explains Kate. But if your emotions are running high, put the conversation on ice until you’ve had time to reflect. ‘The mother of one of the other girls who was implicated in the friendship issues threatened to pull her out of the school, which was very upsetting for all of the children,’ says Claire.

Try to keep conversations with your child positive: mention the great things the teacher said about them, as well as the areas for improvement. ‘A plan should have been made for going forward, and maybe targets given, so make sure your child knows that you’re all working towards the same goal,’ says Sharon. If your child is upset, they will need reassurance that everyone wants the best for them.

You might want to discuss the problem with your child and come up with strategies for tackling it at home: for example, if handwriting is an issue, doing five minutes of practice each evening. If the problem is behavioural, rewards or incentives may work. 'When my son was having concentration issues, we arranged that the teacher would give me a thumbs-up or thumbs-down signal in the playground at the end of the day,' says Georgie Kelly, mum to Sam, Year 2. 'For every five days of thumbs-up, we bought him a Lego figure.'

Don’t punish your child for what has been said at parents’ evening: ‘There are occasions when they need to know that you’re disappointed and their behaviour is not acceptable, but if an issue has been dealt with at school, you don’t need to repeat the punishment at home,’ Sharon explains.