Disclosing finances to partner

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ElectronBlue's picture
ElectronBlue
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Ok, but having a secret stash of a couple of hundred- or thousand- isn't the same as not knowing what your partner is earning year on year, is it? I mean surely you need to know that if only to discuss household budgets and things?

I mean I'm single, what would I know... but it seems a very odd way of conducting a family.

OliversArmy's picture
OliversArmy
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Oh I agree completely; you should know roughly how much is coming in and out of your partner's accounts. I think hiding stuff like that is odd, and neither DH or I would bother. 

rockycat's picture
rockycat
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Wow, I'm really surprised at this thread!  I think I sit in Daed's "naive and optimistic" camp.

We made eveything joint when we got married as, in our view, to do otherwise kind of made a mockery of the vows we took.  It took a bit of getting used to to start with, but fortunately we're similar in how we spend money and have so far never had any issues.

Having had two children and been on maternity leave and now working part-time, I find it a lot easier just having joint accounts that our salaries and anything else goes in to, and all expenses come out.  That way there was never any issue when my personal income dropped about me having use of his salary: we just see it as our income.

Corris's picture
Corris
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I think if you both start from a fairly level point them ok fair enough, pool things.

But if one of you has collateral and the other doesn't then I fully support pre-nups.

Why should you obtain/inherit/be awarded someone else's money or belongings because you married them if they weren't earnt or made whilst you were together?

That makes no sense at all.

If you are both independently wealthy then fair enough - but if only one of you is then a pre-nup surely avoids any potential doubts or conflict about why the other person is marrying you?

rockycat's picture
rockycat
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We were fairly even financially when we got married, but within a couple of years DH inherited half a house.  We bought the other half of the house with a (joint) mortgage and have lived in it ever since, with both our names on the deeds.  Going by what you're suggesting, Corris, if he'd inherited it a couple of years earlier in your view it would have made sense for us to have had a pre-nup?  And if you'd been in the situation I was, where DH inherited after we were married, I guess you would have told DH to keep half the house in his name?

Corris's picture
Corris
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I guess it depends where you draw the line rockycat.  I doubt I'd consider half of your house 'collaterol' - when I said that I thought it was probably 'wealthy' people who didn't know I didn't mean on that scale - I meant on a larger scale.

I also think it's different if you have your children together, rather than children before you meet someone.

rockycat's picture
rockycat
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Yes, unfortunately he's not that wealthy!!  And yes I agree that the situation with children makes a big difference.

Christiesgal's picture
Christiesgal
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I don't see the big deal with it either, I know what OH earns and he knows what I earn (not a lot in both cases!) but the thought of 'hiding' my earnings from him, or him from me is just strange!  

I do like having my own savings account, OH has his own as well.  This means that if he wants to splash £100 on a snooker cue he doesn't have to consult with me first.  Likewise if I want buy £100 pair of jeans I can, without him moaning! 
 
I've never had an 'exit' plan but it would have been very handy when I split with my ex, if was really tough time financially.  I don't need one now, the kids are grown so I could work full time with no problems.

ursh x

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Christiesgal
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Oh and Bonniebeth, nice to see you around here. :D

sparkledust's picture
sparkledust
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We've got a joint account here, we both have savings accounts for much like you said Ursh. DH has one for his daughter, I've got one each for my girls. I know how much he pays into hers, I don't know how much is in it though.

DH inherited when his Mum died, he paid for the double glazing we had put in here, he cleared a few bits & I have no idea whats left from it. I'd presume it was in his saving account & should it be needed it would be used.

I did buy this house myself & I had DH put onto the deeds & mortgage when we got married. I made arrangements in my will for DH to get the house & the girls to get the money, because I think thats the right thing to do, god forbid anything happens! At least everyone is provided for. We were earning the same amount of money at one point, but not now, so I am very dependant on him financially, which annoys me emmensly.

xx

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