Feel like I've lost a family

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JacquiL's picture
JacquiL
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
Posts: 25747
Feel like I've lost a family

Found out last night that I have a great nephew, lovely in some ways, but not when you consider he was born on Jan 6th 2011.
I only found out because I mentione to dad that J had had a baby on the anniversary of my mum's death and he said well K's son was born on your mum's birthday. You could have knocked me over when he told me and then showed me the picture of him.
Dad said he thought he'd told me and then kept saying he hadn't told anyone for 6 months because of the circumstances - K was 2 weeks away from his 15th Birthday when his son was born.

I email my sister's, never get replies, ring and they are always too busy. I send cards for birthdays, Easter, Christmas etc, yet they never do, obviously they don't want to have anything to do with me and it hurts.

Thank fully I have some wonderful friends, a fantastic husband and children and that is as much as I need

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elaine80
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 19:18
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My girls have a cousin who was 1 last week whom we have never met. I only found out his name just before Christmas.
DH has a sister 4 years younger than him who his parents adopted when he was 8. When she hit her teens she went off the rails and put PIL through hell and DH doesn't want anything to do with her as a result. She has a 9 year old whose dad she was with for a long time but when they split she moved south to join her biological half-sister. She brought the son up to stay with his dad for a week a couple of years ago but didn't come back for him when she said she would so the dad kept him. She went to court to try to get him back but did herself no favours and he is still with his dad. In the meantime she got pregnant (the dad could be any one of 3 guys) and last year had another boy. MIL told DH when the LO was born but he didn't tell me for several weeks and the girls only found out several months later when MIL happened to tell them.

On one hand I'm sorry that the girls have so little contact with the 9 year old (we do see him from time to time) but on the other hand they have plenty of contact with the rest of the family and the the 9 year old's lifestyle is so different from ours (the dad hasn't worked for years and has no intention of working) so probably they aren't missing out too much.

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roosmum85
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
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Hugs Jac, if we could choose our own families we'd we be laughing. Her loss because you are a lovely woman and if she can't see it - bugger her x x x x

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ElectronBlue
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Joined: 27/07/2011 - 10:11
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That must have been a blow Jacqui. I'm sorry about that. Perhaps they kept it quiet, given the lad's age and all?

Families eh? Who can fathom them.

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sparkledust
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Joined: 29/11/2009 - 17:57
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Families are funny buggers. DH has a brother & sister, who have ooddles of children between them, we always send cards much like you Jacqs, we've had one Christmas card from his brother & when he met his current partner, I honestly can't tell you her girls names.  I know DH has another half brother, I've never met him, he is a product of DH dad & Stepmum, who none of us have seen or had contact with for 2 years now. DH extended family is huge on his Mums side as she was the youngest of 6, I know 2 of her sisters & some of their family.

Saying that I've got 8 cousins, the oldest 4 all siblings, 3 of them children, one lost a child & has since had another little girl, I haven't got a bloody clue about any of the names, who's married or been married, don't know where they live or anything. In fact the last time I saw those 4 I was 11 I think, 2 of them came to Grandmas funeral & I wouldn't have known until they introduced themselves & the oldest boy tried to speak to Grandad & Grandad didnt recognise him & he got the right hump.

I used to beat myself up about it, not knowing as we were all so close, until we lost Dad then grandparents & then DH mum, and a couple of friends, I thought it would've reversed the trend and made me want to see the "family" more, but it hasn't, its made me concentrate on me & mine, The important people in my life. xx

Hopeful
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Joined: 02/12/2009 - 19:00
Posts: 6370

Ive yet to see my nephew because my sil is too busy for visitors, he was born in December and what pisses me off is its my brothers son, one of the brothers I brought up.  I havent seen them since she saw dd writing her name last year and her daughter whos the same age couldnt write her's.  I did explain kids do different things at different ages and it was pretty early for dd to be doing it but sil took the hump.
Its her loss, yes it kills but you have so many other things in your life and we all love you here and you've a wonderful family, hugs xxx

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JacquiL
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
Posts: 25747

ElectronBlue wrote:
That must have been a blow Jacqui. I'm sorry about that. Perhaps they kept it quiet, given the lad's age and all?

Families eh? Who can fathom them.

They didn't keep it that quiet, my aunts know and many more people besides. 

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Brandie
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 14:34
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DH grandad was ill and in hospital and we only found out because he rang his aunt. His Dad never rings to let us know if anything happens. I think it's because we are a bit like you JacquiL they are in Cheshire we are in suffolk.

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Christiesgal
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Joined: 29/07/2011 - 13:46
Posts: 11125

OH's nephew had a baby in October 2009 but first we knew of it was the invite to the christening 4 months later!   See you are not alone Jacqui.  Also last year I found out I have a half brother on my dads side, he has two children.  His daughter found me on Friends Reunited.

Families are funny things indeed.  I have to say, even though you say in your last paragraph that your friends, husband and kids are all you need - you still sound very hurt.