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I don't think you are being unreasonable at all given the ages of your children.
My girls have always called OH's mum and the rest of his family by their christian names, they were 5 and 9 when they first met them, perhaps if they'd been much younger it would have been different. My stepson calls me by my christian name and always has, but I've known him since before he could talk and even though he could have called me mum and I wouldn't have minded, but he has never lived with us so it wouldn't have seemed right. I am not his mum, nor have I brought him up so he calls me Ursh and we are both fine with that.
You know, Kom, I bet the woman doesn't even want your DDs to call her mum. I don't know if she has her own children but if she does, she will know exactly how you would feel. And she probably wouldn't want her children to call your ex dad either.
It's difficult because it sounds like your EX is just being an arse.It gets complicated but if tyou keep explaining in simple terms kids get it really quickly.
My Stepmum was called by my sis and i by her first name. She disappeared out of our lives before my Dad's body was cold. Es called her nanny because he wanted to and we said ok but we explained the relationship to him form a young age and reenforced it. I feel terrible because she did a runner (so to speak) and he lost his Grandad and nanny. We have no contact with Mother and the toyboy so that's easy.
DH Stepdad is Grandad followed by his first name, he was more than happy with that and so are we. DH step mother is first name only again her choice, we also have contact with her mother and again it's first names.