send me some back bone please?

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Corris's picture
Corris
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Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
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send me some back bone please?

Needless to say this is SS.

He is currently doing a penance - he lied, and rather than punish him he was told to do two (big) chores in the garden and given the deadline of tomorrow to achieve them.  To a certain quality.  Or then he would be punished (grounded) and another chore would be added.

This is not looking achievable from where I'm standing at the moment and the deadline is tomorrow.

Now he has, in a teenage way, done an attempt - and one chore although not finished is so far executed well.  But the digging part is not.  He was told to take out the weeds roots - hasn't - told me he would 'rake them off' and I told him he HAD to take them out as he digged - he hasn't because let's face it that's hard.

He had Monday and Tuesday off and didn't go out to do this until the afternoon on both days having laid about watching films all morning - and Monday disappeared within 2 hours to the nearest town to meet his mates.

He did get up this morning, and is making a last ditch attempt to make it all look like dirt - but not to standard.

Now, my nature is to say 'oh well, you tried, no sanction........ and SS KNOWS this.  I am a Soft Touch.  He put in minimum effort and usually I'd take that as enough because I wouldn't want the scene.

But you know what, I fancy taking a stand.

So send me courage please.

sparkledust's picture
sparkledust
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Joined: 29/11/2009 - 17:57
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I'd be taking a stand, and making the other sanctions you mentioned very prevelent in the telling him. I would probably also take away all the electrical things, phones, power leads etc... but then I'm mean...lol.

xx

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ElectronBlue
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Joined: 27/07/2011 - 10:11
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Sending courage.

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Brandie
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 14:34
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Look at this way and hopefully it will give you courage and I know you know all this anyway. This is a big life lesson. In the RW of adulthood and of working you don't do things on time and to a standard you could losr your job. You are teaching consequences have actions. He mucked about two days when he could be done so remember that as well.

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JacquiL
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
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I hope you stick to your guns and if it isn't done to a satisfactory standard he gets grounded

Corris's picture
Corris
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Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
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Sometimes you just have to have a line in the sand don't you.

I don't want him grounded - sulking - ignoring me - he also then has no incentive to finish the chores (ah, unless the grounding lasts until all the chores are done to my satisfaction!  I am a clever mummy).

So usually either I'd let it slip or his father would give him a free pass.  But not this time.

I'm doing right aren't i ladies.  I am.  You're proud of me.

JacquiL's picture
JacquiL
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
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If you continue to do right then we'll continue to  be proud of you Corris

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OliversArmy
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 13:45
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You're awesome. Giving in is by far the easier option for you all, but teaches him nothing (aside from the fact that he can get away with murder). Taking a stand can suck at times, but has to be done. So keep on kicking him into touch; one day in the very, very, very distant future he will respect and thank you for showing him how to behave as a responsible adult; those lessons are the ones which will keep him gainfully employed and on the right track. 

As an aside, DH and Olly had planned to have a trip to the airport this morning (it's their thing, plane spotting). Olly swore blind he'd do his homework (a short essay on his hero) before going, and needless to say, took an hour of crying, whining and cajoling and still hadn't done it. So I told DH to take George and leave Olly here. Olly's not the kind of boy to be easily upset, but today you'd have thought he'd been shot the way he cried. I explained if he'd done his homework in the allotted time he could have gone and I hope it's sunk in; he's already done the remainder of next week's stuff so he won't have to do it tomorrow. I hate being the bad guy, and hate taking away things he loves. But sometimes the Bad Guy is actually the Good Guy, just twenty years down the line when he's still pushing himself to do well. 

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Leeds
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Joined: 26/11/2009 - 09:37
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Well done, OA!  That is exactly what I would've done!!  Had DD had a sibling, and been interested in airports ..........

Hope Corris has been firm too.  A very good friend of mine was lax with her 15/16 year old son.  As I told her at the time.  Now, in his early 20s, he is leading her a merry dance.  And she still dances to his tune.

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Christiesgal
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Joined: 29/07/2011 - 13:46
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We are proud of you Corris, and proud of you too OA.    Speaks one who is guilty of letting things slide for an easy life sometimes.  

ursh x

Corris's picture
Corris
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Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
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See OA I can't help but think is someone did that to him as a small child I wouldn't still be doing it now!

I was spitting the proverbial feathers this morning - Last night I spoke to OH on the phone from Kent, said it was the deadline and he was to go check the garden in my absence, I didn't think SS had done it, and given his slow start and amazing amount of film watchage on his two days off I was ready for him.

This morning spoke to OH and No, SS HADN'T finished - and OH told him he had today as well to 'tidy it up a bit more' and 'do it all the way to the tree'.

Now SS KNEW it wasn't up to scratch because I'd told him - he KNEW he had to go to the tree because I'd told him!  But OH gave him another damned day to do it (Monday is his day off college).

So I was fuming.

Yet another effort I'd made to teach SS a lesson and OH had damned well undermined me and gone 'well done lad, bit more and it'll be fine, deadline?  Oh, have another day to do it'.

But you know what?

After fuming all the way home I walk in and SS is lying in front of Spongebob Squarepants on the sofa and it STILL WASN'T DONE - at 10 to five this afternoon despite him having all day off college.

So, now I get to think of another task and he gets grounded and OH doesn't get to undermine me.

But really, with him as a dad what hope do I have of teaching this kid anything - he wouldn't have gone to the airport without him, he'd have either not gone at all anybody (so causing the other child to miss out) or said 'oh, you can do it when you get back.

I love him, but he is the crappest parent I've ever had to deal with.