It started last night because we had leftover soup again. I grant you it isn't the most exquisite dinner in the world but I have been making soup on Mondays for years and it is only in the last couple of weeks she has decided to complain.
Me: 'M, soup's on the table'
ED: 'Humph' (slouch) ' Monday slop again'
Me: 'If you don't want it then get down, otherwise apologise and eat.'
ED: 'You only feed us this rubbish so you have money leftover for yourself'
Me: 'Firstly that's not true and secondly you don't get to speak to me like that. Either apologise and eat or leave the table'.
ED: NO!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!
OH: 'Get to your room now. You've upset your Mum.'
ED: on way up staiirs 'mumble mumble selfish mumble mumble mean mumble hate you etcetc.'
An hour later
ED 'Can I come down?'
Me: 'If you can apologise, then yes'
ED: 'I'm sorry I insulted your soup' Comes down 'But I don't take back what i said about you saving money!!'
Me: thunder 'SIT DOWN'
Me: I do save money; I save money on food and clothes, I don't buy everyday treats, we don't go out often; because I'm saving for big treats. The money I save by being thrifty goes on your music lessons, your toys and instruments, spending time with our friends. We're going to Norway and Disneyland Paris this month. I really don't think you of all people have anything to complain about !'
ED 'Hmmph, well you choose all those things, not me, and I'm sick of soup on Mondays...but I am hungry, can I have mine now?'
Me: Too late! Now get on with your piano practice!
What happened to my lovely girl? So rude, so self absorbed, so sluggish and shrugging and grouchy. I have never denied either of them a meal before. She just made me so angry! Now I feel terrible that a) I ate her dinner (well the soup was good!) and b) I didn't force her to apologise to me forthe awful things she said..
I'm going to struggle for the next few years I think :-(
You ate her soup? She'll live! I'd be more inclined to worry about her attitude. I sympathise muchly- I woke Alex up today, he had his shower and promptly went back to sleep,, so when his taxi came, he wasn't ready. Of course this was my fault, and carried on being my fault until I had a big rant about Attitude and Manners and Being Responsible For Yourself
As for spending the money on yourself... I think all children think this. Alex looks at my bank statements and goggles at what he thinks is a big sum of money, and thinks I ought to give him this that and the other as a result but half of my kitchen units have no doors and the laminate is peeling off the other ones- I'm saving for a new kitchen! Moreover I've been saving for about 5 years at least! To be honest, why shouldn't you spend some money on yourself from time to time? You earn it!
I hate girly hormones, they are much worse than boy ones
I hate girly hormoans too. YD does the huffing and tutting bit occasionally. ...phew
x
Not much to offer but hugs. Maybe she'll be a little less mouthy next Monday. I agree with EB though, missing a meal won't hurt her. Does she get pocket money, or can she help you with a bit of budgeting, so that she begins to see where your money goes and how expensive running a house really is? EB's shopping task for Al last week sounded great for teaching the beginnings of a budget, and tbh I don't think kids do understand how much basics like gas, electric and water cost, on top of mortgages, food shopping and council tax, things like that have to be taught.
I really do think the invisable money spends like mortgage/rent, electric etc should be taught at school.
Es is turning 13 and is exactly the same. The tutting, the huffing and the looks. OH made him walk to school yesterday 3 miles. He didnt apologise to OH so OH made him walk to school today, he said until he apologises properly and means it he'll continue to walk, course he hasnt told es this. Id have probably have given up after the first day he walked to school.
I think once they hit a certain age they become so self obessed that they dont consider anything other than what they need in that minute so every now and then they do need it pointed out to them and if that means eating their soup so be it.
I could have written your post a few years ago MOMB! And I can empathise with how you are feeling when your daughter accuses you of feeding her slop because you want to spend money on yourself indignant with rage..
Make sure she understands that it's your money, that you earn and you can damn well spend it as you want and she has no right to question that. As OA says, even if you were spending it on yourself you would deserve it now and then!
Totally agree with Jacqx, self obsession is par for the course with kids this age and they can't see beyond the here and now. Just keep on plugging away, keep calm (easier said than done I know) drink gin.
ursh x
How about making/letting her provide one meal a week, with a set budget? Let her see how difficult it is to provide variety and "exciting" food for limited amounts of money.
Maybe it's time to give her a lesson in household economics and budgeting. I'm sure my parents taught me about that alongside explaining why we had to save money. In addition to making her realise that you're not being stingy, it'll teach her a valuable life skill. Even if she refuses to have this lesson, every time she says anything like "stingy" "just saving money for yourself" or complaining about the food or anything else being "too cheap" you can start to give her the lesson anyway, until she learns not to mention it again (without accepting the lesson....)