Whose Responsibility is Your Child's Education?

320 posts / 0
Last post
Barefootgirl's picture
Barefootgirl
Offline
Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
Posts: 5961

Tekkani wrote:
I feel like some people are willing to just accept 'normality' for their children who could be so much more.

*puts on Devil's Advocate robes*

Perhaps the people who are willing to accept "normality" for their children are those who were themselves brought up to be "normal". Being average is hereditary. So is being pushy.

See? I used the P word. Pushy. Isn't that actually what you are advocating, Tekkani? Pushiness? You're suggesting we should all be a bit more pushy, so that our children achieve a bit more, and don't just trudge along as average bears.

*takes off robes*

*scratches*

JacquiL's picture
JacquiL
Offline
Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
Posts: 25829

I knew I should have looked over the topic again before posting my reply. That'll teach me to answer the phone.

Pushing your child into learning etc doesn't necessarily make you a good parent, neither does letting your child make their own decisions make you an average or bad parent.

Being judgemental is very negative, it certainly isn't something a child should learn, but they do if they see their parent being so.
If a child goes to school and is judgemental then they will soon have problems, children should be taught to embrace evrrything around them, they should embrace the differences in us all, not judge because of those differences

Tekkani

JacquiL wrote:

Tekkani I'd love to know how you learnt to count you have two number 5 points

Haha! Classic. Serves me right for typing too fast.

It's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5, 7, 8, 9 isn't it?

Barefootgirl's picture
Barefootgirl
Offline
Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
Posts: 5961

Tekkani, i reckon your parents should have spent a bit more time teaching you maths!

ElectronBlue's picture
ElectronBlue
Offline
Joined: 27/07/2011 - 10:11
Posts: 13460

I think it's also worth remembering that parents themselves have different experiences of school and learning and indeed life that colours their parenting, and that learning happens all the time, with or without input, it changes what is being learnt, is all.

I have a long term disability, a couple of years ago I was very poorly and I'll admit it, parenting took a back seat in place of just getting through day to day. When I was a bit better, I'll confess I had to have a big crackdown on behaviour, and that took priority for a while, and we ended up with a long period of time when 'learning' really wasn't a huge priority for either of us. (his independence skills took off though, not sure whether that's a good or bad thing) As a parent you do what you can when you can and if you can, and sometimes you can't.

It doesn't even have to be as extreme as that. For example it's all very well and good having one child and spending that amount of time following up on their interests and teaching them, it becomes a whole 'nother game when you have five little dears all needing feeding and changing and washing and so on (I have one child, and there I'm sticking!!!) Add a child with a disability to the mix, or a parent on their own, or two parents who both have to work and I can quite see how focused learning of the kind you describe takes a back seat.

OliversArmy's picture
OliversArmy
Offline
Joined: 26/11/2009 - 13:45
Posts: 12106

You say you won't "allow" your daughter to be average. How do you plan to prevent that? What if she's not super-bright? What if she's only capable of "average" intelligence? Will you push her even harder and show her that her best may not be good enough?

I want my children to be bright, to go to University, to achieve great things. But I refuse to tell them that their best isn't enough. If they work hard I'll be the proudest mother ever known, regardless of results or grades.

JacquiL's picture
JacquiL
Offline
Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
Posts: 25829

=D> =D> =D> OA

Tekkani

More numbered responses, it helps me keep track, even if I do think 5 comes twice!

1 - BFG, I do pretty much agree with you. I don't mean to come across as if I think a teacher can't do their job, or as if (as you suggest) you should tell the rugby coach how to coach rugby etc. I just think that you shouldn't expect a classroom environment (which is why I single out school, not brownies or extra-curricular sports etc.) to teach your child to a standard which is any way more than 'average', and therefore, as a parent you should work yourself on taking your child beyond average (which leads us on to...)

2 - Is there anything wrong with average? No. Is there anything wrong with AIMING at average? Yes. I appreciate that not everyone can attain brilliance (if they could, there wouldn't be an average) but to be totally satisfied with average is a lack of ambition.

3 - What is pushy? I don't think I'm a pushy parent because to me, pushy parents are the kind that expect their child to do everything perfectly first time, who have long lists of things they want their children to be like doctors or millionaire businessmen or whatever - I'd be happy if my little girl ended up being a binman (or binlady) as long as she was happy with it. A pushy parent IMO is the one who has a fit when their child comes home with a report that says 'disruptive'. No, if that is pushy then I'm not it, but if pushy means 'encouraging the child to succeed' then I'm signing up.

4 - How is being judgemental negative? I think this could well be a terminology thing. To my mind, making a judgement on something is a good thing, otherwise you just have floaty ambivalence. I judge things I see, and I judge actions other people take, if I didn't then I'd be happy to have my child looked after by a rapist pedophile with a knife collection in his bedroom. Everyone judges and it's a GOOD thing. If, by 'judgemental' you mean 'making a snap negative judgement on something without weighing up all the facts' then I believe it's a bad thing and I don't think I do it (unless it's very unconscious).

5 (1) - I often wonder how I'd deal if I had multiple children. My OH wants more and I'm neither for nor against it, but having spent plenty of time dealing with multiple children in many settings, it is still possible to have that one-on-one aspect (as I'm 100% sure all the parents with multiple children will attest). That all said, six would take some time and effort!

5 (2) - See, I can count. If my mother had been solely responsible for teaching me maths, I wouldn't be any good though. That's an interesting thought.

6 - See how this post came after a break. That was me playing with my child after she pointed out I'd spent the majority of the morning typing stuff on websites! Sun is shining, outside beckons after lunch. I promise I'm not ignoring you all! Still yet to hear from anyone who thinks the school is totally responsible for the child's education (thank God) but I doubt we will.

Tekkani

OliversArmy wrote:
You say you won't "allow" your daughter to be average. How do you plan to prevent that? What if she's not super-bright? What if she's only capable of "average" intelligence? Will you push her even harder and show her that her best may not be good enough?

By 'allow', I mean 'I won't sit back and let her settle into mediocrity with no input from myself'. If, for some reason, she's only capable of average things and that's the best she can do, then I'll accept that, of course. I don't think it's the case, mind, and don't believe I should start with the viewpoint of 'my child may only be able to achieve an average standard'.

And sometimes people's best isn't good enough. This isn't just true of schooling, but everyday life. If someone offers to make me a website (random example) and when they've made it, it is rubbish or average, I won't pay them. I don't care if it was their best - they need to pick a different career. If someone wants to be a professional snooker player and their 'best' is losing half their matches, then they need to accept it isn't for them and move on. This ridiculous society thing where we're meant to celebrate mediocrity is offensive. People should be praised when they are good at things and not praised when they are not. If you want to praise someone for their effort, that's great too - as long as they understand it is for the effort, not the achievement.

If my daughter runs a race and comes last, despite running as fast as she could, I'll say 'Well done on trying as hard as you can, but if you want to win a race, you need to practice and get faster'. I'm not about to say to her 'You did brilliantly' without context because that's just a lie. If she says 'I don't want to practice and get faster because I hate running' then I'll accept that she hates running, but I don't think 'I want to be better at running but I can't achieve more' is an acceptable response. Almost everyone in the world can be fitter than they are (and yes, this analogy works for academic subjects too).

OliversArmy's picture
OliversArmy
Offline
Joined: 26/11/2009 - 13:45
Posts: 12106

Not everyone judges. You parent your way, I don't judge you for that. I don't agree with it, I certainly wouldn't choose to parent that way, but ultimately I don't care how anyone else parents their child, only how well I feel I'm doing with mine. So no, not everyone judges. Perhaps that's something judgemental people tell themselves to make it more socially acceptable that they behave in such a way?

Point 3 of your last post is totally at odds with your previous post stating you won't allow her to be average. I can't quite work that out.

Pages