Whose Responsibility is Your Child's Education?

320 posts / 0
Last post
ElectronBlue's picture
ElectronBlue
Offline
Joined: 27/07/2011 - 10:11
Posts: 13460

Being judgemental- hm. It's about where we draw the line, isn't it?

I consider some of the parenting choices I have made to be the best choices, of course I do otherwise I wouldn't have chosen them (at the same time I've made plenty of mistakes, too...) but I think at the point where I use those choices to feel superior to or knock other parents that I am on dodgy ground.

Of course we all make judgements but I think on a site like this (which is a support site, primarily) we have to be careful those judgements don't hurt other people

Tekkani

OA: You seem to have taken a dislike to me. I haven't judged anyone's parenting skills (other than my own step-sister who I used as an example). I asked a question about educational responsibility. You seem to have veered far off that topic and asked me questions (or poked me about) other sides of my thinking, yet you haven't discussed the topic.

And I haven't given ANY advice. I may have made statements that could be construed as advice, but they were merely statements (like the one about winning a race).

I apologise if somehow my personality has gotten up your back, but as I asked the question because I wanted to know where people believe the responsibility lies, I'd like it if we returned to that.

Barefootgirl's picture
Barefootgirl
Offline
Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
Posts: 5961

Tekkani wrote:
A pushy parent IMO is the one who has a fit when their child comes home with a report that says 'disruptive'.

That would be me then. My child didn't even come home with the report - the school called me in. My child has a history of being persistently disruptive, and I won't accept the behaviour OR the label. I won't just sit back and go "oh, she's disruptive" - I want the behaviour STOPPED, and I'm pushing as hard as i can to get it dealt with. I am changing my behaviour, I'm helping her to change her behaviour and I'm doing everything i can to get her into a school where she can get back to normal and get on with learning.

I'm afraid I DO want her to be a doctor or a lawyer or a banker or an astronaut, I would not be happy if she was a binlady. I'm sure binmen are very happy and fulfilled in their work, but the ones round here don't look very happy. They look cold, and fed-up, and they grumble a lot. I know what they earn, as well, and unless they are all married to doctors and lawyers, none of them are ever going to be buying houses round here!

I don't want my kid to be "just average", I want her to be good, if not the best. I am sure she could be happy as a binlady, but I want her to have higher aspirations than that. i want her to want more, if that makes sense. And yes, i think that DOES make me a pushy parent, but i see no shame in that. I'm an elitist as well, and i don't think that is a dirty word either.

*puts on tin helmet and awaits flak*

ElectronBlue's picture
ElectronBlue
Offline
Joined: 27/07/2011 - 10:11
Posts: 13460

Tekkani wrote:
I'd like it if we returned to that.

Ah! The forum has a tradition of going off topic Tekkani... be thankful it was ON topic for more than a couple of posts *grin*

Barefootgirl's picture
Barefootgirl
Offline
Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
Posts: 5961

Yeah, i think we've done really well - we got to page 5 before it went off-topic, and so far no-one has mentioned cake!

OliversArmy's picture
OliversArmy
Offline
Joined: 26/11/2009 - 13:45
Posts: 12103

Tekkani wrote:
OA: You seem to have taken a dislike to me. I haven't judged anyone's parenting skills (other than my own step-sister who I used as an example). I asked a question about educational responsibility. You seem to have veered far off that topic and asked me questions (or poked me about) other sides of my thinking, yet you haven't discussed the topic.

And I haven't given ANY advice. I may have made statements that could be construed as advice, but they were merely statements (like the one about winning a race).

I apologise if somehow my personality has gotten up your back, but as I asked the question because I wanted to know where people believe the responsibility lies, I'd like it if we returned to that.

I beg to differ, I responded to your original post, answering your original questions. As for going off-track, that's what happens in an open forum.

There's no dislike. I think it's distasteful when an individual swoops in and behaves as though they have all the answers, as you have thus far. You wanted a discussion; here it is. You can't be offended because someone disagrees with you or answers you back. I've merely asked you to clarify things you've mentioned, just as you've asked others to clarify their points. If you don't like it, it's really your problem not mine.

Tekkani

I'm pleased you are in this discussion BFG, or I'd feel out in the cold, lol.

I actually picked on 'disruptive' because I think being disruptive is a good thing, not a bad one, as long as the reasons behind it are valid (i.e. they are ones of 'I have done all this before' not 'I just want to make trouble'). That would normally be a topic for another thread (in other forums here) but as it seems to be the form here, why not just chat about that, lol.

I think (I'm not bothered to go back and check) that I specified that I'd like my daughter to be happy if she chose to be a binlady. I think everyone would agree when they say they want their children to be happy, and you insinuate yourself that you want yours to be a doctor or whatever because you see it as part of the path to happiness and that you doubt they'd be as happy as binmen. I've never been a binman, so I don't know if it is possible to be happy in that profession, but I have had crappy jobs and still been happy. I, for one, do not equate financial success with happiness and thus don't equate financial success as important. Interestingly, as this is all about education, I should probably note that I want my daughter to be well-educated for her personal development and enjoyment, not to get a job.

I am pleased you say you do not want your child to be 'just average'. I feel that too many people have come across in this thread (whether they mean to or not) as saying 'average is good'. Average is NOT good, it is average. Why on Earth would you want to condemn your child to NOT being good? This takes me back to the original point. Why would you pass the ball on your child's education to anyone else? I'm learning between the lines (because no one has come out and said it, but it is there), that some parents believe that they (as parents) are not qualified to teach. It's been said by someone that they trust the teachers who are qualified to teach, and there's some validity to that (though I've seen plenty of teachers who are 'qualified' that stun me with their ineptitude... different subject again), but just because a teacher can teach your child doesn't mean that you cannot.

If I go too far, I'll start going on about how parents should be vetted before becoming parents (..!..!), but without that, can we not assume that in choosing to become a parent (at least one who has the level of positive intention to join a forum like this) you give some thought to teaching that child? Are there parents out there who literally believe they have NOTHING to teach their children?

This post is rambling (I should have bullet-pointed it...) and I'm sure anyone acute enough to do so can rip all sorts of inconsistencies within it, but I'm still struggling to see why a parent wants to see their child go through life and not help them jump at every opportunity they get. Teaching your child to read is teaching them to be able to gain knowledge (as someone else rightly said) and isn't a job for a school, but is a task which I believe should be undertaken out of love. (Let me categorically state here that you should not read the last sentence as 'if you don't teach your child to read, you don't love them' - it doesn't mean that). Why would you NOT want to teach them to read, to count, to run and play, to swim, to dance, to dress themselves, how to type and what went on in Ancient Egypt? In short, my question becomes (after six pages and lots of ranting): Why do you not want to pass on ALL of your own knowledge to your child? Not as their exclusive education, but as part of it. I want my daughter to know EVERYTHING I know and then know everything she can get from everywhere else too. It isn't because I want her to be better than other children, it's because I want her to be better than ME.

I think I nailed my own point there - maybe rambling is better than bullet points; see, I can still learn. I'll leave that bit up for discussion. We're going out scootering! Smile

JacquiL's picture
JacquiL
Offline
Joined: 26/11/2009 - 11:56
Posts: 25675

Well if she knows everything you know she will never be better than you, to be better she needs to know much more than you.#

I'd love my children to be brain surgeons, professors etc, but if they aren't I'll be just as happy as long as they are. You see there is no such thing as average, what I firmly believe is that with support (and not being on their backs 24/7) is that each child will achieve their potential, whether it's to be said brain surgeon or be a binman. In the case of my MS I'll be happy if he evers gains any independence, he'll never be able to be a worker in the true sense, so does that make me a bad parent for realising that I can't do anything about. No amount of pushing on my part will change the situation and why stress him by trying.

The difference between the OP and BFG is the language used, maybe the OP needs to look back over the whole topic and see the difference

Barefootgirl's picture
Barefootgirl
Offline
Joined: 25/07/2011 - 14:18
Posts: 5961

Yeah, cos I iz moderate and restrained and articulate, innit !

ElectronBlue's picture
ElectronBlue
Offline
Joined: 27/07/2011 - 10:11
Posts: 13460

*hands BFG a kebab*

Pages